Valerie Buckner
said...
I am Eileen's first cousin. When my sisters and I were young we used to go to Michigan to see our Grandma Karsen and my Uncle Jim, Aunt Peggy (better known as Margaret to most) and all my great cousins.
I visited the family several times after I got out of high school and kept fairly close to Uncle Jim.
Eileen and I never really lost touch, we just weren't as close as we used to be.
Then in the fall of 2005 she and I were communication on the IM (as we often did) and she told me she had cancer. I was horrified for her. A few weeks later I found out that I too had cancer.
She had already been hospitalized and started her chemo. Up until a month before she left us she was my strength. She was the terminal one yet she was always....and I mean always there for me. We would talk every morning on the computer sharing our fears, hopes and lives. I was so praying for her to be our miracle.
She was my miracle. She got me through my chemo. We would joke about our lovely heads. That's right, heads, since I had lost my hair and she was beginning to lose hers. Then she got me through my radiation.
She and I both agreed that we wished we would have saved all our conversations to go back to. The were priceless.
The only good thing about us both getting cancer is that it brought us so close together again.
At times I feel guilty that she is gone and I am still here. I remember her telling me that the saddest thing about her going is that she will not be there for her grandchildren. She said that she wanted to be the cool grandma that the kids could come to her for advise. And she loved her husband Van so much.
In closing I cannot say enough for the loss I have felt since she passed. I have just finished my last treatment and my doctor told me that I am cancer free. My only question is why her and not me.
I have only our memories and will hold on to them tightly. The last time I saw her was at our family reunion. She was so looking forward to the one we were going to have this summer.
For those of you who knew her you can understand. For those of you who did not know her, you missed a great person and a wonderful cousin.
Posted 5 August 2007 03:19 PM
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